Starting and keeping new relationships mid-life and later in life is very different from when we’re starting out in our adult lives.
Maybe you’re discovering this right now, or you’ve started dating again and you’re pondering on why it seems so different nowadays from your youth. Today’s post is written for you.
When we’re in a more mature phase in our lives, we have a lot of ‘life’ under our belts versus when we were in our teens and early 20s, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and thinking our love lives would be different from those that struggled – ours would be shiny and new and enduring forever.
We can still be pretty bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with health and vitality when we take care of ourselves inside and out, but when it comes to relationship love? Well, sometimes that particular part of our life balance can be a bit battle-scarred, cynical and weary. Whether you’ve been through the slow deterioration and ending of a long relationship, a number of short relationships, a couple of mid-to-long relationships – whatever the combination is, you might be carrying the dreaded ‘baggage’ and not even realise it.
Just the other day I was having a quiet organic coffee and reading while trying not to listen to a nearby conversation between a man and woman in their early to mid-50s. Of course, the harder you try, the more you tune in. If I’d had with me my Young Living Gathering™ blend for overcoming the chaotic frequency of everyday life, that might have done the trick but I didn’t, and the conversation went something like this:
Him: “So how was that date the other night with the hiker guy?”
Her: “Just like the others! It started out really great … I thought, Wow, he’s so energetic and positive – so unlike my ex! But by the time we were halfway through the main course, all his baggage started to come up. He started talking about his ex and how she was always late which drove him nuts …”
Him: “Hahaaa – oops! So you’d be driving him nuts, too … did you manage to turn up on time for the date?”
Her: “Ok, ok, smarty-pants! — (laughs with him) — I managed to be on time for a change, lucky for me – but my point is that from there he went on to grilling me about my likes and dislikes, and I felt like he was checking me off on his list of Must Haves and Deal Breakers!…”
Him: “Argh! But how about you? Weren’t you doing the same?”
Her: “Well you know you can’t help it, really – I want to be open to anything but I just don’t want to end up going through the same stuff I went through all those years …. Life’s too short to waste trying to get to know someone only to find out they bug the heck out of you … and thankfully I don’t have any baggage!”
I could go on but somehow I have a feeling this kind of chat isn’t new to you. And it’s such a normal and natural tendency, as we humans tend to either move towards things we like or move away from things that we’ve learned we don’t like – and last time I checked, research had shown a higher percentage of us move away from things we don’t like rather than moving towards things that excite us.
Past relationship woes can feel like failures or constant-anxiety points or financially ruinous or riddled with unreciprocated sacrifices. Or maybe nothing that dramatic, but suffering from a lack of spark and a sea of sameness that was eventually too flat to keep on navigating because life’s too short and the love was gone … again, I could go on but if you’re still reading, you know how it goes.
And when the chance of love comes along again, it’s easy for those buttons to get pressed with even one throwaway comment or failing to have a particular physical trait because this time around, damn it, you want the lot: the complete package, the real deal, the big shebang and the brass ring! “That’s it: he doesn’t like getting out of bed early / she doesn’t love travel / he’s not as tall as I’d like / my type usually have brown hair, brown eyes … this will never work.”
And so it goes that just like that, a few things that don’t tick your boxes, and you can decide to stop seeing someone who made you laugh, who appreciated your quirky habits when choosing what to order in a restaurant, who loved giving you a foot rub without you even asking for it, who treated your kids beautifully and patted your cat just right even though you have a feeling they are more of a dog person.
While having wish lists is all well and good and it’s always wise to learn from our mistakes, it’s really, really important to remember that love really can surprise us and not come in the package we expected.
A person who truly loves us for who we are and makes us happy doesn’t come along every day – and as long as both parties involved feel the same way and communicate respectfully and honestly, there are always ways to get around the practical things that might otherwise get in the way.
They love travel, you don’t? For ‘togetherness time’, choose short holidays in places you really love – and maybe your significant other will get a kick out of going on a longer holiday to a more exotic place with a friend. While they are gone, sleep in later than you normally might and catch up on all the movies you’ve been meaning to see that you know they’d rather skip.
You like sleeping in late, they love getting up with the sun? Maybe they’ll bring you gluten-free pancakes infused with Young Living Vitality essential oils and organic coffee in bed!
So where’s this list of essential oils we promised in order to help you get inventive and invested in helping your relationship later in life to work without letting the past-life irits and irks get in your way?
Here goes! By the way, we always choose Young Living oils because their quality is unsurpassed and gives us the best possible results, so they are the ones we recommend and everything we include here is made by them. Join to order at retail prices here or please get in touch with us to learn about getting a member discount and a bunch of other wonderful incentives.
Young Living Valor® / Valor II (formulated out of necessity due to seasonal outages at various times: these blends are interchangeable and can be used alternately and in conjunction with each other)
Valor® is a beautiful blend to use on its own or as a base for all ‘feelings’ oils. It was formulated to instil confidence, courage and self-esteem along with balancing energies. Place a few drops in your cupped hand, smooth your palms together, inhale deeply then hold over the soles of your feet for a few minutes. Or simply inhale from your hands, from the bottle, or apply behind your ears or on your wrists
Young Living Acceptance™ (includes coriander, geranium, blue tansy and neroli)
Smells divine and helps us to open and accept new people, new things and new relationships – all helpful when you’re getting to know someone new
Young Living Release™ (includes ylang ylang, sandalwood and blue tansy)
A wonderful tool for letting go of past grievances and hurts so they don’t rise up to cause us to damage something special we have right now in our lives
Young Living Present Time™ (includes neroli, spruce and ylang ylang)
Staying present is so important in allowing us to really tune in to the ‘now’ rather than dwelling on what went before and succumbing to unhealthy influences from the past
Young Living Sensation™ (includes bergamot, jasmine and geranium)
Sometimes the flames of romance need a bit of fanning, and Sensation is a divine way to oxygenate them!
All of these exquisite blends smell wonderful and are relaxing as well. Here are some suggestions for use:
- apply behind your ears as your personal 100% authentically-natural signature fragrance
- inhale directly from the bottle
- diffuse around the home to influence feelings throughout the household
- add to Young Living V-6 Enhanced Vegetable Oil Complex or any pure carrier oil for a ‘togetherness massage’ or bath oil
- give each other foot rubs with them
Bonne chance!
Essential oils are potent, so as always, please follow directions on the bottle and the usual guidelines for safe use of authentic essential oils.
This will also connect you up with The Good Oil Team for our personal support and coaching. We'd love to help you on your journey to vibrant well-being the natural way!
Any questions? Please get in touch via our Contact page.
